Tonight I tried something new with Ethan. Over the past little while he's been giving me trouble about eating. If I recalled all of the times, I'm sure I could single out reasons why it happened this one night...and then again on another. Most recently for instance, he's been sick (fever first, then a cough) so I can understnd a loss of appetite. Yesterday he seemed more on the mend and I wanted to fix him a dinner that he would eat (chicken pillows) and get some good protein in his body again. He was excited about it, until we sat down and then he screamed, "I don't want to eat anything!" The tears were bigger and more fake than I've seen in 2 days. I sent him to cry in his room so that Annie and I could eat in peace, and told him when he decided to come eat, dinner would be waiting. I didn't want to wait too long though (why don't they understand that if they only tried it!...they'd forget the fuss!) so I called Brian at work and had him talk to Ethan. Meanwhile, I picked him up and carried him to his chair while he was talking to Brian so that when he hung up, his train of thought would still be focused on eating. Worked like a charm (he even told me as he was eating "This is my favorite, mom." "mmm-hmm" was all I could say, I was so frustrated.)
Tonight I couldn't pinpoint a reason for his definance, other than that he's been able to do it before...and I felt a 'test' coming on. We were playing outside and I lost track of time, so when I looked at the clock and it said 5:15pm, I knew dinner had to be fast. (Why can't my kids like/eat spaghetti o's on nights like tonight??) I made spaghetti, bread sticks, and zucchini. It was all ready, we sat down, had a prayer, fixed AJ's plate and when Ethan saw it yelled, "I want to eat a hot dog, not this!" I tried to sympathize with him "oh, a hot dog does sound yummy, let's fix that tomorrow night!" Instead of resolving it, he just got more mad. He threw off his bib, slid his cup, and placemat on the floor and started to cry...crocodile tears.
Deep breath. No way was this going to turn into a nightly ritual. I said, "Ethan, if you don't want to eat, that's fine, but don't be rude. Pick up your cup, and place mat, and cry in your bedroom. AJ and I are hungry. If you decide you want to eat then come and say you're sorry to me for being rude, and I'll fix you a plate."
He exited and the crying stopped pretty quick. I would call down the hall periodically, "Ethan, are you ready to eat?" "NO!"
So AJ and I ate our dinner. I hadn't noticed he had wandered into the living room and was sitting on the couch, so I don't know how long he was there...but he obviously wasn't upset anymore. I asked him if he was ready to say he was sorry and eat some dinner. No, came the reply. Well, I'm not going to wait all night to see when this kid decides it's time to eat...and I'm certainly not going to call Brian; I'm not making that a habit either. (these were the thoughts in my head) So...I set the timer. (Ethan completely understands anything with the timer, we use it a lot...when it goes off...it's time to go to bed, clean up, come inside, etc) I set it for 5 minutes. I told him if he wanted to eat dinner, he needed to say 'sorry' before the timer went off.
He sat on the couch...dry-eyed, I might add. The timer went off. I cleared the table. I hadn't even dished up his food before his tantrum struck so clean-up was only AJ and I. Brian called: he's on his way. I tell him we have something to talk about. We hang up and Ethan says, "Mom, did you tell Dad I didn't eat my dinner?" (Inquisitively, no tears) "No," I said, "You're going to tell him why you didn't have dinner. And Ethan, that's going to make Dad feel really sad."
Now the real tears come. Is the thought of upsetting your Dad because you upset your Mom more traumatic than seeing that you've upset your mom? Tonight, it was.
So, Brian comes home, we tell the story. Brian has a 'father/son' talk with Ethan. And as I try to be as receptive as possible to this 2-year old...going on 16...apology that's being forced from his lips...I find myself convinced that Ethan knows exactly what he did.
Of course, his hunger pains kicked in, and he came to me (happy, I might add) saying, "Mom, I'm ready to eat my dinner now!"
I didn't give him any. Is that awful? His tears of disappointment weren't real (a mom can tell...heck, the way he was crying, a stranger could tell) so when Brian finished his dinner and there were leftover radishes in the vegetable tray, Ethan asked if he could have one. I said Yes.
Am I trying to ruin his tastebuds toward radishes forever? No...but that's quite the taste to have in your mouth if you're looking for something to satisfy tummy grumble. He wanted to bathe it in dip, but I put that away. Just radishes, honey! (I took one myself, as did Brian, so any future with radishes wouldn't be completely destroyed. We didn't laugh (out loud) or make a big deal out of anything. He just went to bed (30 minutes earlier than usual) What else is there to do in order to ignore the fact that you're hungry? I kissed him and hugged him tight, told him I loved him and said, "I hope tomorrow you make a good decision to eat dinner with the family"
We'll see.
Any suggestions?